April 11, 2025
This post is for my Aunt Mandy, I wish I could speak to her again.
I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality and practices that I carry with me through my day to day. Things as simple as putting a stone in my pocket or blowing on new things to cleanse their energy and make it my own. Meditation and grounding help me get through rough patches. I used to think things like that were unnessesary and superstitious. My aunt taught me what I know, and was really insistent I listen to her even when I didn't believe in her words. I just let it happen because an argument wouldn't get me any of the places I wanted to be (because she would have talked longer to push my buttons, or find other tasks for me to do instead of what I had planned). It was inconveniencing then, but without her pushing me to listen I don't think I would feel so connected to her right now. I don't get to see my aunt anymore, not in this life; it's interesting to me because if I made it to 2025 without missing two decades, I would be almost 40 and she would be well into her 60s. I wonder if we'd still be as close as we were when I was in highschool. She was my rock, and kept me grounded even when I didn't know I was drifting. Now I use her words and memory to do the same.
She believed that we were all connected, everything and everyone, living and not. And I really believe that too. When you look at life that way I feel like it opens a new understanding and appreciation for everything. For a while I fell too far into that mindset, and would snag on the thought that if everything was one, then nothing was individual; and that made me feel like nothing was real. But that isn't true at all. I'm part of a family, but there are different parts of that whole, there are grandparents, aunts, parents, cousins, siblings- the family is just the title. The community. That's the connection. A library has hundreds of books, but in each of those books are entirely different unique stories. In each life there are different stories and experiences, but everything is alive. That's the connection!
I still have a hard time being so confident as she was about these things. But I stay open and loud about it, hoping it'll resonate with somebody somewhere. The things that comfort me won't always do the same for other people, and that's okay. I find connection where I can.
And don't worry, I didn't forget to upload my photography this time. Keep an eye on my chat box, I post little updates there when things go up. It's just taking a bit to finalize. :)